3 years and counting

April 27, 2007 - The China Center for Adoption Affairs logged our dossier in to their system and we were officially "in line". At the time, we expected a wait of 12-18 months before we received a referral.

It's now 3 years later. No referral. No baby home. The guest bedroom is still a guest bedroom. We have had various relatives stay in it but no child of our own has inhabited that room. The CCAA has only referred up to mid-April of 2006, still a year away from our log in date. Right now, about 5 days of LID's (log in dates) are referred to families once a month. So there are 365 more days until they get to our LID. Fortunately we can deduct 104 weekend days since the CCAA closes on weekends, and let's say about 3 weeks of various holidays that the office closes for and that means there are 119 days that aren't counted. So 365 minus 119 is 246 actual LID's (more or less) that they need to get through. If they do 5 days each month, that works out to almost 50 more months. I guess we'll get a referral in the summer of 2014.

That is pretty depressing and I keep hoping for a change that will speed things along. If our financial situation improves and we can go back to the special needs list it would greatly expedite things. However, in the meantime, I tell myself and anyone who asks that right now everything is out of our hands, the right child will be referred at the right time, and that we couldn't really provide for a child well right now anyways. It sounds good, right? Some days I actually even believe it.

In the meantime, I am focused on the families I serve and try to fill their dreams while I wait for ours. Hopefully I'll have a reason to update this before the 4 year anniversary. Love to all and your support is appreciated.

Jen & Drew

Holiday Season 2009

I know it's been a long time since posting anything but that's mostly because there hasn't been anything to post. Last May, I had inquired about a special needs little girl, but we weren't selected to be her parents. I gathered from our agency that many, many families had applied ahead of us.

Our life right now would make it unwise to pursue a special needs adoption so that part is still on hold. Our dossier remains in line and as far as we know it has been approved. The CCAA has actually cleared all dossiers logged in up to Feb. 29, 2008. But, the important part, the matching dates, have just finally gotten to the end of March, 2006. We still have almost 13 months to still get through and since they seem to be referring just a few days of LID's (Log-In Dates) each month, we could be in for a long wait. In fact, at one point I calculated it could still be another SIX YEARS before we see our daughter. By then, I'll be 44 and Drew will be 50 - will we have the energy to parent an infant? We'll see.....

In the meantime, we are focusing on here and now just getting by day by day. The Christmas tree and decorations are up as we approach the third anniversary of when we started this process. I swear, this is the world's longest pregnancy. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

I was first going to post about how it stinks to have yet another mother's day go by without being a mom, but then I decided to spare everyone my self-pity. I'll get over it.

So then, what do I write?

I'll share the past week - the desire to move forward has been re-ignited as I found a little girl on our agency's waiting child list that resonated with both of us. Before I go further, let me explain something about the waiting child system for China. Usually only agencies have access to lists of children with special needs and match them to the families that have said they would accept certain conditions. But sometimes there are children who are really difficult to match depending on what the situation is, and agencies will post their pictures and a short background on them on the agency web site. I'm pretty sure that has to be cleared with the CCAA because they don't want pics shared all over the internet and agencies require families to have a password to access their info.

So anyhow, I logged into CCAI's website and browsed through the waiting children they had posted. Usually the children listed are boys, or older children, or have really serious conditions. But my eyes fell upon a little 4-year-old girl with a repaired cleft lip/palate, significant hearing loss and possibly Hep B positive. There was something about her that just touched me. Maybe it was the coincidence that just a few nights earlier Drew and I had been talking about a little hearing impaired boy at the school he's working at and were practicing our signs. (Drew knows quite a bit more than I do, but I'm learning!) She just seemed like a perfect fit for us. And the picture of her was just absolutely precious. I wish I could post it to share but that would get me in trouble! She also appeared to be developmentally on target and could communicate her needs through pictures.

So I showed her profile to Drew, but he was hesitant due to our financial situation. I asked him what he thought leaving money out of the equation, and he said he would adopt her "in a heartbeat". This was all on Thursday. Friday I called CCAI to find out more information on her, but they would not tell me much else. Apparently there are LOTS of other families interested in her and they share a child's file with the family at the top of the list. There is more to her story that has resulted in families declining her though. I had them put us on the list, although our chances are really small that no one ahead of us would accept her.

But, it was the beginning of the leap of faith. Maybe a small step of faith? I'm starting to feel like we just need to move forward and trust that everything else will fall into place. We'll see where we go from here.

Back to Mother's Day.....
First, Happy Mother's Day to all mothers - mom's who have birth children, adoptive children and foster children. But we also need to recognize that their are birth mothers out their for whom this is not a happy day, but a day where feelings of grief and loss often reappear, no matter how long ago the child was placed with an adoptive family. If you know a birth mother, show her consideration and respect today. Ask her how she's doing - recognize that she's had a loss in her life and let her talk about it if she wants to. Being supportive without expecting she feel happy on Mother's Day can be a relief to her.

And to my own mother, thanks for almost 38 years of: kissing boo-boos, refereeing fights, cookies and milk after school, making me clean my room even when I didn't want to, patience as I hit wrong notes on various instruments, trusting me to do the right things, all the miles taking me to various meetings/practices, help in selling Girl Scout cookies, proofreading papers and countless other mom-like things. Thanks & I love you.