Two Years and Counting

Today is April 27, 2009. It has been exactly 2 years since our dossier was received and logged in at the CCAA. At the time, we were told that in 18-19 months we would have a baby girl. Little did our agency know that the referral times would slow down so drastically. It's taken them nearly 24 months just to get to looking at the dossiers they received in April '07. Referrals right now are for families whose dossiers were received in the first week of March, 2006. At the rate they're making referrals, it could be years before we ever see even a picture of the little girl we'll be matched with.

This is such a sad day for me. I would guess it is for Drew too although I haven't talked to him yet about it. We still have our special needs application on hold and need to decide in June what to do about it. It's not likely we'll be able to stay in that program indefinitely while we try to get finances figures out. We may have to go back to the original plan of the long wait "healthy infant" line of families. We haven't lost our place or anything, but it bothers me that there a children who have special needs that we could help if the timing were better. Sigh.... there just aren't any easy answers right now.

Two years ago this was a day I celebrated. We had spent five months rushing through interviews, getting documents from all over the country, getting physicals, fingerprints, background checks, references and doing so much paperwork. Things got lost, things were delayed, and I spent a incredibly wild day in Chicago at the Chinese consulate for authentications. It was all done and on April 27, 2007 I could breathe again. We had made it in before the May 1 deadline - just barely.

I have to have hope. Things worked out then in miraculous ways and I refuse to believe that all that would have happened if we weren't meant to be on this journey. But I wonder if I exhausted all my miracles - are we only allotted so many in a lifetime? Or am I not doing enough to help create one? Only time will tell.